his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
