I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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