I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
