I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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