I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
