so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
