She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think I sprained my soul last night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
