made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
