i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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