So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
