She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
