Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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