i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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