I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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