I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
