I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
