You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
MIDGETS
????
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
