I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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