Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
