zippers are such a cool invention
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
