Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
