ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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