I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's never too late to be topless.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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