One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
