Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
