is your mom at the bar?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
