He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
