I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
