Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
