You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
