Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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