we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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