Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
