The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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