she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
and she was petting her beer can
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
