last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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