I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize