She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
