Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
