So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
