don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
