those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she peed on how many people?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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