peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
