Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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