Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
