you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
