And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
