Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
