She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
