***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
