All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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