I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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