i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
