Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i was born a porn star she said
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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