My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
