Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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