You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm having to shit out rocks
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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