How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
