I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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