Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize