at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize