Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize