Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
