just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Someone came in the potted fern
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize